Where were you the day the sky rained down toxic gas and bombers? Let me take you back to the night it all began. 

Boys, Boys, Boys. I’m Kevin O’Connell but they call me “Dirty Dangles” for my sick stick skills on and off the ice, That’s right ladies. I’ve been spittin' chiclets ever since I could first hold a hockey stick and I’m the star of this whole mother fuckin' story so let’s get after it. 

It was sometime right around Christmas of 2021 in Toronto, Canada and my team was in the holiday tournament finals, the ‘ship, the boat, the big show. I was already in the penalty box twice that night for sucker punching this chode on the other team nonstop chirping at me all night. One more and I’d get myself ejected but that wasn’t gonna stop me. We were halfway through the end of the 3rd period and I found myself on a breakaway. Just me and the goalie. They don’t call me Dirty Dangles for nothing. I ripped a clapper bar down. GOALLLLLLL! Everyone cheering and jumping up and down. I was on cloud nine. Just then that chode come up and suckered me right in the side of my face. I dropped to the ice but when a fight breaks out you know I don’t turn down. I got right back up swingin'. Heated, I went after all their players and I think at one point I even took out a ref. Well that there got me kicked out of the game. 

Pissed as I skated out of the arena throwing down my gloves and helmet. Once I got to the locker room, I tore off my pads and tossed on my Blade Shades and Chains. Got dressed in my black jeans, flannel and converse shoes, combed back the sick flow and proceeded to head back out to the stands to try and catch the end of this game. On my way out of the locker room swiggin' down some Windsor from the flask I had in my pocket this good for nothin' fan from the other team starts talkin' shit. I didn’t think twice 'cuz as I’ve said before I never turn down from a fight. I yelled back at him, “Tarps off, Let’s go” and off we went. We both beat each other down until security came and broke us up. 

She took us to the underground lockup rooms that never get used. Me of course hitting on her the entire time thinking I could make a nice puck bunny outta her. It was cold and dusty and just kinda had a vibe like being in a horror movie. The security guard put us each in our own room away from each other and no one around us and said she’ll come back after the game when all the fans leave. Just a bench, another locked door to who knows where and a TV screen with the game up above on that you could just barely watch through the static. At least I can enjoy the rest of this game I thought to myself. I sat there and watched still swigging my flask she forgot to take from me and watched my team win the game. We were the champs! I was just cheering my drunk ass off waiting to get released and all of a sudden the whole room started shaking. The power cut out and everything went dark. You could just feel something wasn’t right. 

The shaking continued for what felt like an eternity. I searched around in my pockets and found my old lighter and a pack of darts. I lit me up a dart and started smoking thinking this is the end as I started checking the whole room with the small glow of that lighter flame. To my luck all that shaking did happen to shake lose the lock on the back door as it just barely peaked open. On the other side I found the old equipment storage room packed full of old skates and pads but not much else. I was trapped here. So I laid down a bunch of the squishier pads, took another swig of my whiskey, finished my dart and flicked it into the corner and passed out thinking I must just be really drunk and just need to sleep this off. “At least we won the ship… FUCK YEA BOYS” I muttered as my eyes closed. 

Science Fiction

"Meet Kevin O'Connell or better known as 'Dirty Dangles', a skilled Canadian hockey player with a knack for getting in trouble. In this action-packed tale, experience the night during a holiday tournament finals when strange earthquakes shake the underground lockup, leaving Kevin to wonder if he's just too drunk or if something much more sinister is afoot. Follow him as he finds his way out of the darkness and uncovers the truth behind the mysterious events."

DIRTY DANGLES: BOMBS, BLADES, AND GLORY

Nerds in this story